


Unbreakable

by jongyued



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M, post war/revolution au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 23:29:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20416095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jongyued/pseuds/jongyued
Summary: Three years after their country’s revolution, Jonghyun and Jinki’s paths finally cross again and Jonghyun realizes some bonds can’t be broken.





	Unbreakable

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of larger au that I will never write, but Jonghyun and Jinki were part of rebel army fighting against their corrupt government. I love "old flames" fics and although it is a little sad, I think the ending gives some hope for the two of them. Enjoy!

They run into each other unexpectedly. It was bound to happen sooner or later, considering their ties to the revolution. Still, Jonghyun’s surprised they actually managed to weasel around each other for three whole years since their fall-out, and seeing Jinki today is almost like meeting him again for the first time.

Jinki looks the same: gentle eyes and an easy smile pulling at the corner of his lips. But his hair is shorter now, a soft black and trimmed in a respectable manner – the appropriate look for a rising politician. It’s the face and the look the public has come to love, but Jonghyun remembers when Jinki’s hair was long, how the strands would fall into his eyes as the two of them slaved over the plans for their next counterattack. He remembers how the strands would feel running through his fingers, and he can’t help but wonder what it would feel like now.

Part of Jonghyun wants to leave, sneak out the back door before Jinki sees him, and another part wishes he hadn’t come at all, but he knows Minho would have never forgiven him if he bailed on his wedding. The other part – the larger, selfish part – hopes Jinki will notice him, though he doesn’t know to what end.

The uncertainty means he should go. Minho will understand. He knows how things ended between the two of them – betrayed, bitter, and filled with spiteful words. They’d gone their separate ways after the war as a result of it: Jonghyun resumed a civilian life and moved to the countryside, while Jinki had taken up an active role in the new government.

“Jonghyun?”

Jonghyun feels his heart leap into his throat at the sound of Jinki’s familiar voice. He wonders if he can make it to the door, but his feet stay rooted to the floor. He can’t believe Jinki still has this effect on him. It’s been three years. He should be over this. He should have moved on.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Jinki says, smiling. It’s been so long since Jonghyun’s been on the receiving end of it he’s almost forgotten what it feels like, how warm it makes him feel all over. This smile is different from the ones he catches on TV from time-to-time, an edge of nervousness to it that contrasts sharply to the confidence he shows to the public.

“Of course I’d be here,” Jonghyun says, clasping his hands together to keep them from shaking. “It’s Minho’s wedding.”

“Right, I mean,” Jinki says, touching the side of his neck with a nervous laugh – an old habit Jonghyun remembers so vividly he feels his heart clench. “It’s just – Well, it’s been a while.”

_Almost three years to the day, but who’s counting?_ Jonghyun wants to say, but he bites his tongue. Jinki must already know that, with the anniversary of the end of the revolution coming up so soon. The New Capitol always made it a grand celebration, a national holiday, but Jonghyun always remembers the beginning of peace for their country as the end of his and Jinki’s relationship. Jonghyun wonders if Jinki thinks about it that way too.

“Yeah, it has,” he says, finally settling on an answer that wouldn’t sound bitter as he felt. “I’m surprised you’re here, though. I would have thought politicians didn’t have time to make it to things like this.”

“I always try to make time for friends,” Jinki says. “Minho’s been helping me a lot for the past couple of years. I’m happy for him.”

“Me too,” Jonghyun says genuinely. Minho was there for him when things ended with Jinki, when he felt so lost and betrayed and heartbroken he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Jinki tilts his head towards the bar. “Would you… um, want to get a drink?” he offers. “Catch up a bit?”

There’s a hundred things Jonghyun could say: _No, I have to catch my train. No, I was just about to leave. No, my sister is waiting for me. No, it’s too hard to be around you. _But somehow he finds himself nodding and following Jinki’s familiar smile to the bar.

Jinki orders Jonghyun’s favorite drink first, catching Jonghyun by surprise. “You remember,” he says.

“Of course,” Jinki says with a smile. “We only got to go to a bar once during the war. I remember how excited you were when they had your favorite liquor on hand.”

It was a night when the rebel forces recaptured a Capitol-held district. A local barkeeper welcomed them in with open arms and all them had gotten completely drunk in celebration. Jonghyun could barely remember anything the next morning. But Jinki was there beside him, warm and bare, the two of them pressed close on the small, narrow cot in their shared tent.

“It was a fun night,” Jonghyun says quietly.

“It was,” Jinki says slowly, as if he’s recalling the memory too. He takes a sip of his own drink as soon as it’s placed in front him, and Jonghyun briefly wonders if it’s because of his nerves. Jonghyun takes a drink too – needing the liquid courage if he was going to continue this any further.

“So, um. How have you been?”

It makes sense to ask that question, since it’s been years, but it feels odd. It reminds him of the distance between them now. During the revolution there wasn’t a moment when Jonghyun didn’t know what Jinki was doing or what his plans were or what thoughts were running through his head – except for the last nights before the war ended.

But he’s surprised at how easily conversation forms between them. It’s easy to talk, when they don’t mention the past.

One drink turns into two, then three, and suddenly Jinki is sitting much closer to him then when they started. He doesn’t know if he was the one that shifted closer, or if it was Jinki, but Jonghyun thinks he can feel Jinki’s heat even without the two of them touching.

Being this close makes Jonghyun’s heart race, speeding even faster when Jinki reaches over to touch his arm. He runs his thumb over Jonghyun’s wrist gently. “I still think about you,” he says.

Jonghyun doesn’t say anything, at first. He just stares down at where Jinki is touching him, feeling a whole bubble of emotions he’s not sure on how to deal with. “That… probably isn’t a good thing,” he says finally. “You’re getting engaged to the chancellor’s daughter soon, aren’t you?”

Jinki blinks at him. “How do you—” He pauses, glancing over at beaming groom dancing with his new bride. “Minho told you, didn’t he?”

Jonghyun shrugs. “He gives me updates, from time to time, about things going on in the city, you know, when the new elections started, the reconstruction of the government buildings…”

“And about me?”

Jonghyun doesn’t want to admit that he _asked _Minho about Jinki, but it’s not like he couldn’t help it either. Jinki would always be a part of him. “Sometimes,” he says, looking away.

From that, Jinki already knows it’s a lie. But he doesn’t press, just lets the silence hang over them.

“Do you love her?” The question slips out of Jonghyun’s mouth before he can stop it. Part of him wants to take it back out of pure embarrassment, but he wants – _needs_ – to know the answer, and his stomach twists in anticipation as he waits for it.

“We’ve… grown close over the past few years,” Jinki says slowly. “She supports the standpoints of my platform – _our _platform,” he adds, giving Jonghyun a meaningful look. “She’s been a good ally.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jonghyun says pointedly.

“You mean, do I feel the same way about her as I did for you?” Jinki asks bluntly, and Jonghyun flushes, caught in the truth of his own words. “Then no, I don’t. Not at all.”

Jonghyun’s heart stutters. It’s what he wanted to hear, but now he’s stuck. Where do they go from here?

Reason tells him to leave, but the warm touch of Jinki’s hand on him mesmerizing and he doesn’t want to let it go again just yet.

The latter part wins. “Do you live close by?”

Jinki looks confused at the question, but nods. “Not too far,” he replies.

Jonghyun bites on his lip and looks down at his drink, fingers twitching nervously around his glass as he builds up the confidence of what to say next. 

“Jonghyun?” Jinki’s gazing at him now,

Jonghyun takes a quick sip of his drink to calm his nerves. “Can we go to your place?” he asks quietly, finally looking at Jinki fully.

Jinki stares. Jonghyun can almost see the gears turning in his head, shifting quickly to keep up with the implication behind Jonghyun’s invitation. The moment Jonghyun sees it click, the look in Jinki’s eyes changes. But he doesn’t turn it down. Instead, he nods, silently grabbing Jonghyun’s hand and leading him through the crowds of people and out the door.

Being with Jinki again feels familiar and new at the same time. Jonghyun is surprised at how easy it is to back fall into their own personal rhythm. Jinki remembers all the places to touch: the sensitive curve of Jonghyun’s hip, the soft skin of his inner thigh, the arch of his back as he lifts up off the sheets. But Jinki’s hands on him feel different too, more tentative and uncertain, as if he’s not sure this is real, or if he even has the right.

But Jonghyun urges him on with each kiss and moan, too caught up in the moment to be distracted by the past. Finally, Jinki seems to because he starts moving fully, thrusting inside Jonghyun with a force that shakes him to the core.

He can feel his orgasm coiling in his stomach already, almost too quickly, because what’ll happen when the numbing bliss passes and they have to return to reality?

He doesn’t want to think about that, not now. Instead, he pulls Jinki down to kiss him, distracting himself with the taste of Jinki’s lips and tongue. It feels like Jinki needs the distraction too, because the kiss is just as fierce on his end. It builds and builds and builds until there’s nothing left but release.

“I’m close,” Jonghyun breathes, tugging on Jinki’s hair for his attention. “Come with me.”

Jinki nods against his shoulder, one hand gripping Jonghyun’s hips tight as the other slides in-between them to jerk Jonghyun off in time with his hard thrusts. Jonghyun can’t think – it feels too good, so warm and hot, and suddenly he’s coming without warning and just as Jinki climaxes inside him.

For a moment he feels himself floating, his entire body tingling with warmth inside and out.

When he comes back down, he hears Jinki’s quiet and heavy breathing and then there’s a gentle hand that pushes the sweaty hair away from his forehead. He opens his eyes and looks up to see Jinki peering down at him.

“You all right?” he asks.

Jonghyun nods numbly. “You’re still as good as I remember,” he mumbles, rubbing his cheek against the pillow and glancing at Jinki sidelong with a smile.

“I could say the same thing about you,” Jinki says with a quiet laugh. He feels Jinki pull out of him, wet and slick, and fall onto the bed beside him.

As his heartbeat slows down again and sleep creeps into his eyes, he feels Jinki wordlessly turn over and curl an arm around his waist, quietly and gently pulling Jonghyun’s body towards him. There’s a question in his eyes whether any of this is okay, and Jonghyun simply nods, closing his eyes and melting into Jinki’s embrace.

When Jonghyun rests with Jinki’s warmth beside him, it’s almost as if he’s gone back in time. They could be back at the rebel camp, sharing a cot during the rare times when no one needed them, when there weren’t supplies to be managed and attack plans to be made, and they could sleep without the fear of airstrikes from the Capitol.

He falls into the best sleep he’s had in years.

He dreams of the night before everything changed.

_Jonghyun watches Jinki pack up the last of his supplies into his bag, the silence in the camp making each sound echo loudly in his ears. There’s one last mission that’ll hopefully bring an end to the revolution – and Jinki’s leading it. Jonghyun wants to go with him. He should be going with him. But the council is forcing him to stay behind to take charge of the camp while Jinki’s team is away. _

_He knows, at the very least, he should be feeling hopeful – the end to the war is what all of them have been waiting for – but dread and fear fill his chest instead as he stares at Jinki’s back. It makes the words push past his lips without thinking._

_“I love you,” he says in one breath. _

_Jinki stops, hands freezing on his bag before turning around slowly to blink at Jonghyun in surprise. It’s the first time either one of them has ever said it out loud, even though the feelings have been there for months – There’s always been the fear that if they acknowledged it, it meant both of them had something to lose. _

_“You don’t have to say it back,” Jonghyun says quickly before Jinki even has the chance to speak. “It’s just… we don’t know what might happen tomorrow—”_

_“So you’re telling me this now because you think I’m not gonna make it back?” Jinki asks, the teasing edge of offense in his voice. “I didn’t know you had such little faith in me.”_

_“It’s not…” Jonghyun tries to argue, but he shakes his head. “Everything we’ve gone through, everything we’ve seen… the people we’ve lost…” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, steadying his voice. “It’s all reminded me of what’s important. So before you go… I wanted you to know.”_

_Jinki reaches out to interlace their fingers together. “You’re acting like this is our last day on earth. It’s not. We’re going to see each other again.”_

_“You can’t know that,” Jonghyun says quietly. He’s learned over and over again there’s rarely any certainty in the middle of a war. _

_“We will,” Jinki says firmly. “And when we do, the war will be over. We’ll start our lives in a new world – the new world we’re going to build together. Just like we always talked about.”_

_The sureness in Jinki’s eyes manages to calm Jonghyun’s racing heart. Jinki’s never lied to him before. “Promise?” he says. _

_“Promise,” Jinki swears. “After all this is over, we’ll be together.” His fingers suddenly tighten around Jonghyun’s and his expression shifts, gaze lowering to the floor. There’s something different in his eyes, something unfamiliar, and makes Jonghyun’s heart beat fast in his chest. _

_He tugs at Jinki’s chin, forcing him to turn to him again. He’s startled that the look in Jinki’s eyes borders on the edge of guilt and despair and he immediately knows something is wrong. _

_“Jinki, what…?” _

_A hard rap on the wooden door interrupts them, forcing them apart. “Hey.” Taemin’s voice floats in from the other side. “Jinki, you ready?”_

_“Yeah,” Jinki calls back. “I’ll be out front in a few minutes.” _

_He gets to his feet and pulls Jonghyun up with him. They stare at each other for a few long seconds before they kiss. Jonghyun puts everything he can into it, every feeling and hope and dream they’ve shared together until it breaks. _

_He wants to say something afterwards but he can’t find the words. _

_Jinki doesn’t say anything either. Maybe they don’t even need to. He only smiles, squeezing Jonghyun’s hand once more before letting go. _

When Jonghyun wakes up, he’s alone, but Jinki’s smile from the dream lingers with him. It’s still dark out, the light from the streetlamp flittering into the bedroom. His and Jinki’s clothes are still thrown all over the floor, but he manages to find a pair of pants to tug on before leaving the room.

He finds Jinki in the next room over, the large office fluttered with papers and legal documents. Jinki looks deep in thought as he stares out the window and Jonghyun wishes he knew what was going through his head. He would make whatever he was feeling easier to figure out.

It takes a moment before Jinki notices him, but when he does he smiles and gestures for him to come inside.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you alone,” Jinki says. “I know you don’t like that.”

He’s talking about when they lived at the rebel camp. Jonghyun always hated waking up alone, worrying if something had happened to one of them, but now Jonghyun shrugs. “I’ve gotten used to it,” he says. He’s been sleeping alone for years now, and even when he’d go to the small town nearby his cabin for some company, he rarely spent the night. “Why are you awake?”

“I don’t sleep much anymore,” Jinki says with a wry smile.

Jonghyun looks at the piles of papers and documents scattered across Jinki’s desk. “Too much work to do?”

“Something like that,” Jinki replies. He doesn’t offer any more than that, even though Jonghyun knows there’s more to it. But he doesn’t feel it’s his place to push. Not anymore.

He turns to the large glass window instead. “So this is the view a politician gets,” Jonghyun says, looking at the beautiful view of the city nightline. He can see some of the ruins from the bombings on the east end that still need to be reconstructed, but other than that most of the Capitol has been rebuilt to its newfound glory, the statues of the former Presidents torn down and replaced with heroes from the revolution.

“It is nice,” Jinki admits. “Especially now that most of the city’s been rebuilt. But I’m sure it’s a bit different from the view of your cabin.” Jonghyun looks at him surprise, Jinki offers a small, knowing smile. “You’re not the only one that talks to Minho.”

“So you keep tabs on me?” Jonghyun asks. He’s not mad, just curious.

“I wanted to make sure you were all right,” Jinki replies. “You never reached out to me after… everything. When you suddenly just disappeared from the Capitol, I got worried.”

“You never contacted me either,” Jonghyun says. Part of him hoped Jinki would chase after him, even with the way he left things. But Jinki never came.

“Well, you told me you never wanted to see me again and you were pretty vehement about it. I didn’t want to risk getting a pile of books thrown at my head again,” Jinki says with a small laugh. He runs his fingers through his bangs to push them up from his forehead, revealing an old scar near his temple. “I didn’t want to get another scar either.”

Jonghyun’s face colors in shame. “Oh, God, I…” He didn’t know. During their fight he’d thrown everything within arm’s reach at Jinki in a fit of anger and despair, before he turned his back and left, not looking back once. He reaches out and touches the scar lightly with his thumb. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you—”

Jinki shakes his head, grabbing Jonghyun’s hand in his own. “I hurt you first,” he says quietly. “I just left you with different scars.”

The emotion in Jinki’s words leaves Jonghyun speechless. Did Jinki regret everything that happened? Did he, like Jonghyun, wish they could go back in time and change everything? Would their ending be different than it is now if they could? He thought of that future so many times during the war, and even afterwards in the night alone in his cabin, imagining what true happiness felt like.

“Are you happy?” Jinki asks, his thumb tracing the lines on Jonghyun’s palm.

Jonghyun considers Jinki’s question. Is he happy? He lives in a cabin by himself, isolated from the rest of the world, “I’m… all right,” Jonghyun says finally.

“That’s not what I asked,” Jinki says, looking at him with a pointed stare.

“It’s… lonely,” Jonghyun admits. “It felt strange to be alone. During the war, we rarely got a moment of peace, and even when we did…” He stops, a sudden flood of memories hitting him like a wave.

“We were always together,” Jinki finishes for him. “It’s the only part I miss from the war.”

He knows what Jinki means because he feels the same way. He’d never want to go back to the hell that was the war but if only to be as close to Jinki as he was back then… He thinks he’d return in a heartbeat.

“I miss being with you too,” he says softly, looking up at Jinki through his lashes.

The kiss that follows sends sparks down Jonghyun’s spine and to his toes. His fingers curl into Jinki’s shoulders without a second thought, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Kissing Jinki digs up every pleasant memory he has from the war, however few and rare, and it makes him shake with how much he needed this.

“Stay with me,” Jinki says against Jonghyun’s lips. The words come out as a whisper, but there’s a sureness behind them that catches Jonghyun by surprise. When he looks up, Jinki’s eyes are full of promise, and they look exactly how they did in his dream.

“You were never meant to live like some recluse in the countryside,” Jinki tells him. “You belong in the Capitol. We going to help rebuild the nation once the war was over. Everything I’m working towards now – we were going to do it together.” 

“I know,” Jonghyun says, twisting his fingers into Jinki’s shirt. Those dreams were what kept Jonghyun going during the revolution. After being separated from his mother and sister, Jinki became a lifeline, the one constant that kept him from tipping over the edge of loneliness and despair. He held Jonghyun through his nightmares, comforted him when they lost friends and comrades, supported his ideas to the rebel council – Jonghyun never expected a romance to develop in the middle of a bloody war, but it did.

Jinki was everything to him.

It made his betrayal hurt even more.

“I…” Jonghyun swallows thickly, forcing down the lump in his throat. “I can’t.”

Jinki’s eyes flash in hurt. “If this is about the engagement, I—”

“It’s not that,” Jonghyun says quickly. He looks down at his feet. Everything is catching up with him now – all the feelings of hurt, betrayal, and guilt swarm back to him.

“You still haven’t forgiven me,” Jinki says in realization. His hands fall away and he steps back. Jonghyun immediately misses the warmth, but holds himself back from reaching out for it again. “Even after all this time, you still hold it against me?”

“Can you blame me?” Jonghyun says. “You went behind my back. How am I supposed to trust you again?”

“So you don’t trust me, but you can still fuck me,” Jinki says coldly, fingers clenching at his side.

“It’s not the same,” Jonghyun protests, heart stinging at the accusation. “It’s not the same as what you did. You knew what was going to happen on that mission – and you lied to me. We promised we would never lie to each other.”

“I know what we promised,” Jinki says. “But I couldn’t tell you. I was protecting you, Jonghyun.”

“Protecting me?” Jonghyun exclaims. “From what?”

“I knew if I told you the truth you’d would launch yourself into some suicidal attempt to stop it.”

“Of course I would have! Because you launched an attack that killed hundreds of innocent people! It meant our new nation would be built on the lives of innocents just like it was before – how could you even think about going along with it?”

That’s what breaks his heart the most – he thought he and Jinki were kindred spirits, soulmates in every sense of the word, from their ideals to their passion for freedom to the strength of their bond. But something in Jinki changed, and even after his betrayal, he remained firm on his decision to go along with the council’s controversial decision to bomb a neighboring village to gain entry into the Capitol.

“It ended the war!” Jinki shoots back. “How many more bombs do you think the President would have dropped on us if I hadn’t? How many _more _people – _our own people _– would have died?”

Jonghyun shakes his head. “It wasn’t your choice to make!”

“You know it just wasn’t my choice,” Jinki says. “The rest of the council agreed – Yunho and all the others – because there wasn’t another option. They sent us on that mission knowing people would die, but it would be for the greater good.”

“The _greater good_,” Jonghyun scoffs. “How can you even say that? You joined the revolution as a fucking _doctor _for God’s sake -- _Every_ life should matter to you!”

His heart involuntarily stings at the memory. Jinki, the bright-eyed idealist who escaped out from the Capitol to join the revolution, the doctor who saved him after a supply run had gone bad, who had saved countless other rebels that had gotten injured in the fight against the Capitol.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Jinki says sharply. “I live with it every single fucking day. It’s why I can’t sleep, why I _don’t _sleep – I have to make sure every single life I chose to sacrifice was worth it, to make this country a better place.”

“And you think that’s enough?” Jonghyun demands.

“Things are different in the middle of a war,” Jinki says. “I changed because I had to. I’m not just going to wallow in the guilt of it and do nothing.”

Jonghyun glares, affronted. “I’m not wallowing.”

“Then what do you call hiding away in your cabin for the past three years?” Jinki demands. “Even if you hated me, even if you couldn’t forgive me, you still could have been here. Instead, you just disappeared like a…” He trails off, pressing his lips into a thin line as he holds back his next words.

“Like _what_?” Jonghyun presses, fists clenching at his side.

“Like a coward,” Jinki finishes.

This time Jonghyun steps back, hurt burning in his chest. “So that’s how you’ve been looking at me this whole time.”

“You still look at me like I’m a villain,” Jinki says. “I guess neither of us have changed.”

They stare at each other across the small distance between them, and as the moments pass Jonghyun feels it growing even larger between them. “I guess not,” Jonghyun says quietly.

Nothing’s changed.

Did he expect something to? Did he think the past could be erased so easily, after one romantic night together? He turns his back on Jinki and leaves the room, going back into the bedroom to find his clothes and leave.

This was a mistake. He never should have come here. What the hell was he thinking? This feeling surging in his chest right now – It’s like getting his heart broken all over again.

It’s almost dawn, the pale sunlight peeking through the blinds as Jonghyun gets dressed. The light lets him get the full glimpse of the room now, and he’s astonished at how bare and empty it is. He suddenly remembers how Jinki said he barely sleeps anymore. The room is a clear indication of that – aside from the bed, there’s very little in it to make it seem as though Jinki spends much time in here at all, while his office looked cluttered, filled to the brim with documents and legislation drafts, a sign he occupies most of his time with work.

At least Jinki’s guilt pushed him towards something. Jonghyun can’t say the same about his own.

He stands in the empty room, wondering if Jinki was right – Was he wallowing when he should be doing something more?

He shakes his head and walks towards the front door. He’s not in the right state of mind to think about this. He needs clarity, distance from this emotional turmoil, before he jumps headfirst into self-doubt.

“Jonghyun.”

He pauses, hand on the doorknob. His heart races from the way Jinki calls his name. Jinki’s come after him this time – but to what end? He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before looking back.

Jinki stands with his hands in his pockets, looking solemn but determined. “I meant what I said,” he says quietly. “You should come back to the Capitol. Even if it’s not with me, there’s still work you should do here.”

The look in Jinki’s eyes is genuine. But Jonghyun doesn’t know what to say to it. Instead, all he can give is a slight nod – not one in agreement, but one in acknowledgment. “Goodbye, Jinki.”

“Take care, Jonghyun.”

He leaves. He doesn’t stop walking for five whole blocks until he’s out of breath from his brisk pace and the flood of emotions barreling through him.

He catches an early train back home. The long and silent train ride gives him time to think about everything, from the very beginning of it all to Jinki’s last words to him. As he watches the city landscape shift into the green countryside, he thinks that maybe he’ll get in touch with Minho to help him find a place in the city.


End file.
